Sometimes, no matter how much you love a person you realize that they are no longer good for you and that it is in your best interest (and perhaps there's) to sever ties, even though it hurts.
This became true with one of my aunts from my Mom's side of the family. I love her, and know that she loves me but could no longer tolerate the stress and chaos she brought to my family.
For one thing, she loved to gossip, and would often tell me secrets about the other members of my family when I was very young, unfortunately being a naive teenager I took her stories seriously only later to find out how far from the truth they actually were. Some were silly, and other's were downright derogatory and actually a form of slander. I don't know what my aunt's intentions were but it caused me nothing but stress and frustration.
Later on when I was pregnant she told me stories about my father and Mother's relationship, some involving me, that were fabricated, such as that my Mom had left her and my father's house in the will. I kindly told her that I thought she was mistaken (with some of the information she gave me), but she insisted that all the stories were true.
I believed the stories about my father to be true and felt anger towards him, all based on lies. When I confronted my father about some of the stories, he was hurt and angry. The scary part was, my aunt was such a malicious liar, she actually believed her own forgery.
Not only was she a manipulative liar, but she also created further chaos by emailing my father (during the last few weeks of my pregnancy) ordering him to give me money, and telling me that there was no way that I could support a baby on my low income, (which couldn't have been further from the truth)
She was bossy, manipulative, and gave me bizarre advice when it came to such things as parenting, nutrition, discipline, naming my child etc. She even went as far as telling me that I should give my child up for adoption, when I told her I would be depressed she told me that I would be happy knowing my child was in good hands. WHAT GAVE HER THE RIGHT TO tell me how I would feel when she has hardly been part of my life at all?!
My aunt is the type of person who does not take a second to breathe, for some reason I felt obligated to listen to her rather than hang up which I should have done.
When I first tried to part ways with my aunt she contacted all our mutual friends from the town I live trying to track me down. Honestly...I felt like i was being stalked.
Finally after not returning any of her calls I haven't heard from her since this Summer, and although it hurts I have hopefully severed ties with her. Unfortunately losing contact with my aunts means that I won't be able to contact my cousins whom I wanted to keep in touch with, but it is for the better. I am much more calm, relaxed and happy now that she is no longer part of my life.
She is family, and I love her, but she is also no good for me. Maybe if she changes her ways in the future (which I doubt will ever happen) we can try again at our relationship, but right now I honestly don't want anything to do with the woman.
She created chaos between my father and I, my step-mom, my other aunt's and uncles, and almost created friction between my friends and I!
I realize that I must let go of the anger I feel towards my aunt, but at the same time I have chosen NOT to contact her, and if I must go to the extent of getting a restraining order, I just might have to.
I hope that someday my aunt realizes the hurt she has brought upon her family and repents, but until then I am much happier now that I am no longer speaking to her, and would prefer she not be part of my daughter's life.
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