An adorable addition to our family Christmas

Christmas is always a very exciting time (albeit stressful) because I get to spend Christmas eve with my cousins, aunt and uncle from my father's side of the family whom I don't get to see very often (mostly just at Christmas)

One great thing about bringing my daughter to the Christmas get together this year is that she is almost 8 months old, so she can now enjoy ALL of her senses. And what enjoyment she had! She squealed with delight at the dinner table, watched all the Christmas lights inquisitively, was fascinated when we walked her down the street (being in the big city is very new and exciting when you live in a small town) and enjoyed yams, mashed potatoes and applesauce. She even enjoyed Dad's frantic driving around trying to find places to park.

The best part of the whole experience this Christmas was watching my daugther bond with the entire family: to watch her cautiously approach her aunt and uncle over and over again, to see her bounce up and down on my one cousin's lap, to see her in the arms of her great grandmother who was thrilled (although her cognitive health is declining she managed to understand that she was meeting her great granddaughter for the very first time.) And to bond further with her grandma.

She also managed to (begin) opening one of several beautiful Christmas presents, and tear the bow off of great grandma's present.

Of course the trip was a great enjoyment for me as well. We stayed at a 5 star hotel with an amazing view (24 stories above ground level) and beautiful architecture.

The weather happens to be beautiful (EXTREMELY warm compared to what I am used to) so tomorrow we hope to do some shopping with the Christmas money I received and enjoy a walk near the beach.

Family memories in the making. And more to come. More hugs. More laughs. More delicious sweet potatoes. 

The holidays...a time of cheer?

The holidays are supposed to be a time of cheer, but with our present day, fast paced, and demanding lifestyles, they can be quite stressful...I know that this is true in my life.

I remember the feelings I had as a kid when it would get close to Christmas, I would be so excited when I saw the first snowfall, I would run around the house singing Christmas carols and build snowmen in our front yard, go sledding down the hills, and help my Mom put up the Christmas decorations (this was one of my most favorite things of all...in fact I cried one time when I got home from school realizing that she had ALREADY decorated the tree!) Then we would all go to the city to visit my Dad's family, spend Christmas eve with my aunt, and then have Christmas dinner at a posh hotel (I realize I was very privileged in this sense.)

Although I will admit that receiving gifts was exciting for me (especially when they were addressed to me from Santa!) The true pleasures I got were from spending time with the family, and enjoying the Christmas holidays. My parents were both very good at keeping their financial and career fueled stresses on the low-down which made for very enjoyable and memorable holidays. I would often make my family gifts at Spark's and Brownies, and be eccstatic when they would open them in front of me! I even enjoyed helping them with the Christmas shopping (since i lived in a small town going to big shopping malls was a big treat!)

Fast forward to adulthood...things changed. All of a sudden I felt sudden big demands...I felt OBLIGATED to get everyone the best Christmas presents possible, and being the procrastinator that I am, I would ALWAYS wait till the last minute, not knowing what to get them, and then the last few days before christmas I would end up purchasing the quickest, most suitable gifts I could find that fit my tight budget. Some people such as my father, are difficult to shop for because they live a relatively minimalist lifestyle, only hanging on to things that they NEED, and always going for high quality. Other people, such as grandma, were happy with chocolates and a home-made Christmas card, then there came the matter of friends, classmates, the Dog, the garbage man, paperboy, teachers, etc. etc.


Often I felt that the best way of showing my love (or appreciation) to someone was to buy them a gift...I still feel that way. But I now know deep down that this isn't always true. You can't buy love or friendship? and money isn't always the best way to show your appreciation.

The financial stress combined with exams, etc. became so overwhelming, I ended up not enjoying the holiday seasons at all. I would have an grandiose, unrealistic thoughts about what the holidays SHOULD look like, and they never lived up to my expectations...the PERFECT turkey dinner (with homemade stuffing!) Lots of Christmas baking (high quality of course), A perfectly decorated classy, not too flashy Christmas tree, Christmas lights on the roof, Christmas decorations all around the house, presents wrapped to perfection and adorned with bows, Christmas music that wasn't terrible to listen to...the list goes on and on. Sometimes (this year included) I stressed myself out to the point of tears.

One example of a stressful Christmas was last years Christmas. My step mom, father and I went to stay at my Step mom's sister's home in Langley, which was an adjustment for me as it was the first Christmas I spent with both her and my father, and I had been debating whether or not I actually wanted to go!

To make matters worse I had just found out I was pregnant. I decided I would not tell my Dad till after Christmas, to make the holidays relaxed (knowing that he would already be stressed out). Unfortunately hiding my pregnancy from my father was not possible as I was starting to get a "baby bump" became withdrawn, and refused the wine served at my aunt's on Christmas eve.

Things became very awkward, and I knew that my Dad and Sharon would probably be suspicious, especially when I refused to take my jacket off (although I complained that I was too hot).

Then, on Christmas day my Dad told me to meet him upstairs alone...I knew what he was going to ask me, when I told him that I was 5 months along he was almost in tears. The next day the 5 hour trip home was completely silent. Sharon refused to eat, my Dad had a blank look on his face...I should have been happy but I was terrified.

Fast forward a year later and I have a happy, healthy, 8 month old little girl who is the light in my life. Unfortunately I JUST realized that in the midst of all the holiday stress I am not enjoying my time with her as much as I should be. (Our children are only babies once, and time goes by REALLY quickly) I left her crying (in her crib) a few times as I wrapped gifts, freaked out when I ran out of bows, and stressed myself out (as I always do when packing) trying to make sure that everything was packed (I know I will forget something I always do...)

Then I realized..."perfection" is not what Christmas is about!

Yes I ran out of bows, Yes I ended up using a stove stop stuffing mix, yes I ended up NOT putting up at tree...or Christmas lights...or getting my teachers/the mail lady/the neighbor a christmas gift...yes I overindulged in sugar one too many times when I got stressed out. No I didn't find the perfect pair of shoes to wear with my Christmas outfit, No I didn't get my first choice of gift for Dad...the list goes on...but I have a loving family and an amazing friends who I have managed to spend time with as well as an amazing daughter, and I will be spending the next few days with an adoring family. I WILL have a great holiday season this year, it WON'T be like the Christmases portrayed in the movies, but it will be a darn good one, because I am no longer expecting it to be perfect.

Whether or not to sever family ties

Sometimes, no matter how much you love a person you realize that they are no longer good for you and that it is in your best interest (and perhaps there's) to sever ties, even though it hurts.

This became true with one of my aunts from my Mom's side of the family. I love her, and know that she loves me but could no longer tolerate the stress and chaos she brought to my family.

For one thing, she loved to gossip, and would often tell me secrets about the other members of my family when I was very young, unfortunately being a naive teenager I took her stories seriously only later to find out how far from the truth they actually were. Some were silly, and other's were downright derogatory and actually a form of slander. I don't know what my aunt's intentions were but it caused me nothing but stress and frustration.

Later on when I was pregnant she told me stories about my father and Mother's relationship, some involving me, that were fabricated, such as that my Mom had left her and my father's house in the will. I kindly told her that I thought she was mistaken (with some of the information she gave me), but she insisted that all the stories were true.

I believed the stories about my father to be true and felt anger towards him, all based on lies. When I confronted my father about some of the stories, he was hurt and angry. The scary part was, my aunt was such a malicious liar, she actually believed her own forgery.

Not only was she a manipulative liar, but she also created further chaos by emailing my father (during the last few weeks of my pregnancy) ordering him to give me money, and telling me that there was no way that I could support a baby on my low income, (which couldn't have been further from the truth)

She was bossy, manipulative, and gave me bizarre advice when it came to such things as parenting, nutrition, discipline, naming my child etc. She even went as far as telling me that I should give my child up for adoption, when I told her I would be depressed she told me that I would be happy knowing my child was in good hands. WHAT GAVE HER THE RIGHT TO tell me how I would feel when she has hardly been part of my life at all?!

My aunt is the type of person who does not take a second to breathe, for some reason I felt obligated to listen to her rather than hang up which I should have done.

When I first tried to part ways with my aunt she contacted all our mutual friends from the town I live trying to track me down. Honestly...I felt like i was being stalked.

Finally after not returning any of her calls I haven't heard from her since this Summer, and although it hurts I have hopefully severed ties with her. Unfortunately losing contact with my aunts means that I won't be able to contact my cousins whom I wanted to keep in touch with, but it is for the better. I am much more calm, relaxed and happy now that she is no longer part of my life.

She is family, and I love her, but she is also no good for me. Maybe if she changes her ways in the future (which I doubt will ever happen) we can try again at our relationship, but right now I honestly don't want anything to do with the woman.

She created chaos between my father and I, my step-mom, my other aunt's and uncles, and almost created friction between my friends and I!

I realize that I must let go of the anger I feel towards my aunt, but at the same time I have chosen NOT to contact her, and if I must go to the extent of getting a restraining order, I just might have to.

I hope that someday my aunt realizes the hurt she has brought upon her family and repents, but until then I am much happier now that I am no longer speaking to her, and would prefer she not be part of my daughter's life.

Processed food...OK once in a while, part of a healthy diet or harmful?

When I moved out from my parent's home at the age of 19 I was on my own, in an apartment. In some ways, when I look back at the experience I had, full of irresponsibility when it came to things like budgeting, paying bills, and cleaning, I wish I had learned some more basic life-skills and been able to manage my money more wisely (my motto when I was a teenager was to spend as quickly as I could) but at the same time, there were a lot of stresses I DIDN'T have to deal with living on my own.

 One area that stresses me out when living with a room mate is the kitchen. I am very particular about what I eat, There is a saying that what you don't know won't hurt you. This is so not true. Our body is constantly bombarded with chemicals and free radicals and whatever else you would call them. The damage happens whether we are aware of the science of nutrition or not. Whether we are busy or have an open schedule. Whether we are low budget or rich. Whether mom taught us well or we fended for ourselves. Whether we savour our food or subconsciously shovel it in. 

We live in a marketing society. We are surrounded with products that companies make in order to bring in a profit. They may advertise safety or health or taste. But the main goal is to have an income from sales. To get you with the packaging. They will tailor their product to whatever will result in the highest income for them. Carefully worded claims. Following current trends. Adding chemical additives for taste. Using genetically modified seed. Employing harvesting processes that don't favour keeping the natural goodness. Failing to share the whole picture. 

When we make purchases we all have different motivating factors. But sometimes we simply just want something to eat. How do we choose what we will consume? With cancer and heart disease very prevalent in my family one goal I have for my daughter is teaching her healthy living. I have tried to make things home made and limited the processed products (though I don't know if I'll even learn to make bread). But I am not the only one in her life. 

Here comes the battle. Like many of you, many of my friends see nothing wrong with processed foods. Everyone eats it and the commercials say it is good. They love it, and eat it every day. And they share it with me. She doesn't really give him a choice. In any given day I consume many things that, before I had children, I never would have allowed. I'm not big on crackers that have no nutritional value. Jam that is loaded with sugar when I could just eat fruit. Extra sauces and dressings that aren't necessary. I'd like to season with spices and natural flavours. 

They say to pick your battles. I try to remember this even though her future health is at stake. Once in a while I appreciate friend's differences. If I hadn't had to give in to someone else's way of doing things, my way would have remained very closed minded. As a result, I probably would have fed the fear that I was not teaching her well enough or nourishing her properly. I think if given that option I would have had a lot of stress seeking perfection in her diet. (And there's another negative habit for the body's complex systems. Worry.)

But I have had to let go. I feel guilty saying that. Like someone health conscious is going to read this and judge me for going against what I know is right. But life is full of compromise. And trust. (So thankful I believe I can cover her with prayer too.) And learning and growing.

Many of my friends enjoy Goldfish crackers and Cheerios.

My daughter always wants what is on my plate. So I try to keep my plate healthy (though she still doesn' eat finger foods yet). And I would love to get my friend's plate healthy as well. But changing the diet is very difficult. For anyone (pass the chocolate, please). There are the comforting, remind you of home foods. There are the easy, make in a pinch options. There are the wallet friendly budget purchases. And there is habit, habit, habit. I truly think everything right in front of us is against us. But what matters is the long term effects. The feeling good after consistent whole and fresh choices. The lasting health ramifications way into our later years. And that is harder to live for because we can't see it. 

Everyone is born with a different chance of each cancer, each ailment. We don't know if we will get something sooner, later, or never. Our actions may not  prevent those ailments. But they will definitely alter the time line. Maybe my mom's ovarian cancer was always going to be, but if she had eaten more veggies and less processed meats, eaten more consistently, never smoked, and exercised more, maybe she would have lived longer. I couldn't foresee that I would have cognitive dysfunction. But I never lived in a way to prevent it. Because I lived for the now. My body needs me to live for its future. If I had taken care of myself and still got sick I would have had the opportunity to pronounce that healthy is pointless. . 

It takes will power. It takes research. It takes budgeting. It takes prioritizing. It takes retraining the taste buds to need less salt and sugar. But it can be done. Healthier eating doesn't mean eating what you hate. You don't need to have oatmeal for breakfast of you don't like oatmeal. But there must be a satisfying healthy option that you can decide to eat. You don't need to consume salmon if it makes you gag. But what other ways can you get some healthy oils? You don't have to eat Brussels sprouts if you can't get them down. But you do need a variety of vegetables. 

Variety is the best arsenal against the confusion over optimal diet. Sure, a cracker here or there. But then a piece of fruit. A vegetable. A nut. Some cheese. All things in moderation. (I know, I know-- no more making cookies and eating them all. I need willpower.) We can't know everything about diet, especially with propaganda and scientific research constantly being "updated". But instead of pulling the its-all-harmful card or the healthy-people-get-sick card and not caring, we can fuel ourselves with a mishmash of different foods, slowly make positive changes, and accept when we know something is wrong. My daughter doesn't need aspartame, hot dogs, high fructose corn syrup, pop, white bread, margarine loads of table salt, dollar store snacks.Those are the things that I will stay away from. 

And there are other things we will keep to small amounts. Like cereal. Cheerios, Grandpa?