The holidays...a time of cheer?

The holidays are supposed to be a time of cheer, but with our present day, fast paced, and demanding lifestyles, they can be quite stressful...I know that this is true in my life.

I remember the feelings I had as a kid when it would get close to Christmas, I would be so excited when I saw the first snowfall, I would run around the house singing Christmas carols and build snowmen in our front yard, go sledding down the hills, and help my Mom put up the Christmas decorations (this was one of my most favorite things of all...in fact I cried one time when I got home from school realizing that she had ALREADY decorated the tree!) Then we would all go to the city to visit my Dad's family, spend Christmas eve with my aunt, and then have Christmas dinner at a posh hotel (I realize I was very privileged in this sense.)

Although I will admit that receiving gifts was exciting for me (especially when they were addressed to me from Santa!) The true pleasures I got were from spending time with the family, and enjoying the Christmas holidays. My parents were both very good at keeping their financial and career fueled stresses on the low-down which made for very enjoyable and memorable holidays. I would often make my family gifts at Spark's and Brownies, and be eccstatic when they would open them in front of me! I even enjoyed helping them with the Christmas shopping (since i lived in a small town going to big shopping malls was a big treat!)

Fast forward to adulthood...things changed. All of a sudden I felt sudden big demands...I felt OBLIGATED to get everyone the best Christmas presents possible, and being the procrastinator that I am, I would ALWAYS wait till the last minute, not knowing what to get them, and then the last few days before christmas I would end up purchasing the quickest, most suitable gifts I could find that fit my tight budget. Some people such as my father, are difficult to shop for because they live a relatively minimalist lifestyle, only hanging on to things that they NEED, and always going for high quality. Other people, such as grandma, were happy with chocolates and a home-made Christmas card, then there came the matter of friends, classmates, the Dog, the garbage man, paperboy, teachers, etc. etc.


Often I felt that the best way of showing my love (or appreciation) to someone was to buy them a gift...I still feel that way. But I now know deep down that this isn't always true. You can't buy love or friendship? and money isn't always the best way to show your appreciation.

The financial stress combined with exams, etc. became so overwhelming, I ended up not enjoying the holiday seasons at all. I would have an grandiose, unrealistic thoughts about what the holidays SHOULD look like, and they never lived up to my expectations...the PERFECT turkey dinner (with homemade stuffing!) Lots of Christmas baking (high quality of course), A perfectly decorated classy, not too flashy Christmas tree, Christmas lights on the roof, Christmas decorations all around the house, presents wrapped to perfection and adorned with bows, Christmas music that wasn't terrible to listen to...the list goes on and on. Sometimes (this year included) I stressed myself out to the point of tears.

One example of a stressful Christmas was last years Christmas. My step mom, father and I went to stay at my Step mom's sister's home in Langley, which was an adjustment for me as it was the first Christmas I spent with both her and my father, and I had been debating whether or not I actually wanted to go!

To make matters worse I had just found out I was pregnant. I decided I would not tell my Dad till after Christmas, to make the holidays relaxed (knowing that he would already be stressed out). Unfortunately hiding my pregnancy from my father was not possible as I was starting to get a "baby bump" became withdrawn, and refused the wine served at my aunt's on Christmas eve.

Things became very awkward, and I knew that my Dad and Sharon would probably be suspicious, especially when I refused to take my jacket off (although I complained that I was too hot).

Then, on Christmas day my Dad told me to meet him upstairs alone...I knew what he was going to ask me, when I told him that I was 5 months along he was almost in tears. The next day the 5 hour trip home was completely silent. Sharon refused to eat, my Dad had a blank look on his face...I should have been happy but I was terrified.

Fast forward a year later and I have a happy, healthy, 8 month old little girl who is the light in my life. Unfortunately I JUST realized that in the midst of all the holiday stress I am not enjoying my time with her as much as I should be. (Our children are only babies once, and time goes by REALLY quickly) I left her crying (in her crib) a few times as I wrapped gifts, freaked out when I ran out of bows, and stressed myself out (as I always do when packing) trying to make sure that everything was packed (I know I will forget something I always do...)

Then I realized..."perfection" is not what Christmas is about!

Yes I ran out of bows, Yes I ended up using a stove stop stuffing mix, yes I ended up NOT putting up at tree...or Christmas lights...or getting my teachers/the mail lady/the neighbor a christmas gift...yes I overindulged in sugar one too many times when I got stressed out. No I didn't find the perfect pair of shoes to wear with my Christmas outfit, No I didn't get my first choice of gift for Dad...the list goes on...but I have a loving family and an amazing friends who I have managed to spend time with as well as an amazing daughter, and I will be spending the next few days with an adoring family. I WILL have a great holiday season this year, it WON'T be like the Christmases portrayed in the movies, but it will be a darn good one, because I am no longer expecting it to be perfect.