I am not going to discuss, whether or not I am pro life...that is completely besides the point, and is a personal opinion I am not going to get into. But I definitely regret the choice that I MIGHT have made in 2013 had I found out sooner...
2013 was one of the hardest years, I had lost my Mom the year before, and went through months of hell when my childs father relapsed. Emotionally and physically I was drained, I felt hopeless, and at times self destructive.
I started to feel run down and lethargic, and was gaining weight. I had a few signs of pregnancy, but not many. Faiths father and I discussed that I might possibly be pregnant, and agreed on terminating the pregnancy, and moving on with our lives. I was busy with school, and he was not ready to be a father.
I went to the drugstore and purchased a pregnancy test. The results were negative, so I forgot about the whole situation. I wanted to see my doctor however, to find out why I was feeling so physically and mentally unwell.
In December I finally went to the doctor to discuss a possible thyroid condition. No matter how little and how healthy I ate, and how much I exercised, I was gaining weight. I had recently lost 30 pounds, and was starting to gain the weight back rapidly. I had gained fifteen pounds almost overnight! I told the doctor about my symptoms but assured her I wasnt pregnant because the tests were all negative. She said she wanted to feel my stomache just to be sure, and I told her I would not carry on with the pregnancy. I live in a small town so this meant that I would have to take some time out of my busy schedule to go to the nearest city where abortions were performed. She felt my stomache and told me
Youre halfway there...
I suddenly felt my heart racing, and almost colapsed right there on the table. How could I be amost 5 months pregnant, I had barely any tummy at all! I phoned my boyfriend and he was shocked and angry with me for not going to the doctor sooner, I felt panicked, how could I afford to take care of a child when I could barely afford to take care of myself. Also, I had been drinking, taking medication, and been doing lots of things that could effect the baby...I feared for the worst. Perhaps adoption would be another route I could take...over the next few months I thought about it and for some reason felt the urge to keep my baby.
Fast forward almost a year later every night I thank God for making things happen like they had. I have a beautiful, happy, healthy daughter that I love to death, and my life is better than I could have ever imagined. I dont need to worry about providing for her, because everything has fallen into place. I cry sometimes when I imagine what MIGHT have happened, but I know I must let go of the past in order to move on with the future.
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